Dinner With Unlikely Guests:
My guest list:
My Sister, Lisa
My Cousin, Aaron
Reese Witherspoon, Actress
King David, from the Bible
Maya Hanna
Priscilla Rodriguez
I have just set everyone down to dinner. I made an Italian dish: Wheat pasta with vegetable –olive oil sauce, garlic bread and a side salad with balsamic vinegar dressing.
Me: Everyone; I hope you enjoy the meal but first let us bless the food…King David, Sir…would you do the honors and…
King David: Do you really have to ask? Father, we ask that you bless this food we are about to consume…mmm…it smells so delicious Lord. Thank you. I am so overwhelmed with anticipation, I could just dance. [He starts to stand up]
Me: Well, I am flattered you are excited to eat.
Priscilla: Yes, I have read in the Bible how you did an undignified dance before the presence of God.
Maya: What did he do that was so undignified?
Cousin Aaron: Well, [clears throat] he danced in his birthday suit.
King David: I had no shame. My wife Michal thought it was distasteful that I de-robed myself before the City of Jerusalem, but I couldn’t help it. I was celebrating the Lord and became humbled myself in my own eyes; me the King showed reverence to the King of all, with no shame.
Cousin Aaron: That’s cool! Last time I became undignified it was because I lost a bet. I had to run around McDonalds…humbled” in my own eyes”.
Maya: Oh boy! How old are you anyway? You remind me so much of one of my cousins.
Sister Lisa: He is 17 but he has a mind of a 10 year-old.
Reese Witherspoon: My Daughter, Ava is 10. Maybe you two could be playmates. [she giggles] Or maybe not.
Cousin Aaron: Hahaha. [sarcastically] I am a man; one who likes to have adventures.
Sister Lisa: Yeah, like that one time you wanted to see what would happen when you farted near a lit match…let’s just say you were unable to sit down for a month.
Maya: You do remind me of my cousin Joe. He is such a character! I don’t think he ever tried that trick though. He’s smarter than that.
Priscilla: Do you ever watch America’s Funniest Home Videos? Oh they have the most hilarious takes!
Me: I really liked the one where a baby is being baptized and he pees in the baptismal water.
Reese Witherspoon: My kids haven’t gotten baptized. Is that wrong?
Priscilla: No. Jesus didn’t get baptized until he was of the age of 30. It should ultimately be one’s decision if they want to, and when they are ready for the commitment.
Sister Lisa: I still need to get baptized, and I’m 17. I am waiting for the right moment. By the way Reese, how do you keep such a nice figure?
Reese Witherspoon: I could say that I eat all the right foods and exercise to keep off the weight…
Maya: Lipo! I knew it!
Reese Witherspoon: Hey. I never said it…you are assuming.
Me: So how do you keep your weight off?
Reese Witherspoon: My lips are sealed; Hollywood secret. Shhh! If I told you every actress would be exposed and shamed. I am preparing for a role in an upcoming film. The story line is so twisted and scandalous; it seems like a never-ending soap opera with a bundle of drama. Typical “chick- flick”.
King David: They should recreate a story of my life. [He looks at Reese] Have you read the good book? I was a giant-slaying, fugitive, infidel-murderer who bore children who one in particular had relations with his sister, and his brother murdered him because of it. Yes, this is but a synopsis of my life. It is, what you would call “drama”.
Sister Lisa: Woah! I forgot about all that. I haven’t read the book of Samuel …Samuels in awhile.
Priscilla: That would make a great movie. It will show a real portrayal of your life, King David and how God showed you grace thru it all.
Cousin Aaron: Yeah! I would go see it. Sex, betrayal, lust, murder…sounds like a movie I wouldn’t mind seeing.
King David: Just remember, just because I lived that lifestyle doesn’t make it an excuse for you to. I learned my lesson and with God’s hand I endured thru it all. You are still young; seek him while you still can.
Me: I hope everyone enjoyed their dinner. [I bring out dessert] I bought it at the store. It is so delicious and so sensual it is hard to resist. The people at the bakery named it Bathsheba Cake. Who wants some? (pause) Ooops!
[I look at King David after I realized what came out of my mouth]
Everyone looks at him and they all laugh together, including the King.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
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